I recently read this article – http://blog.latonyayvette.com/2017/09/the-glorification-of-motherhood-where.html
While its not very descriptive or anything, the title of the article just got to me. The glorification of motherhood. Its just so succinct and tells a million things in just 4 words! Every time I put up an Instagram post or talk about my parenting style, 2 things happen.
ONE – The first thing, I get comments from all well-wishers, who praise me on how I have it together, how my kids are cute/funny/hilarious/silly, and its just lovely and positive. And I do it too. Because that’s what you do as women, as mothers to each other. We constantly tell each other that we are awesome, our kids are awesome and that we are superwomen, because goddammit, we are! There is nothing more exhausting and life altering than living with mini-versions of yourself who will make you want to crawl back to your mother on your knees and promise to make a shrine to worship her.
TWO – The trolls. Omg, the sadistic, losers who just live off other people’s anxiety and fear. They constantly question talk shit about what you are doing and 99.9999% time tell you that you are fake or you suck. Either way, they don’t matter, so lets forget about them huh?
Coming back to the point of my post, glorifying motherhood. I feel a lot of emotions regarding it because like I said, becoming a mom was life-defining for me. BUT… and its a huge but, it wasn’t all beautiful and amazing. I resented being a mom so much initially, and I have more than once thought about how uncomplicated my life would be without them. Is that a bad thought to have? Yes, no?!? Either way I have them. I wonder if they are going to grow up to be GIANT screw-ups and would all this sacrificing be for naught?
That being said, I also enjoy a lot of things about being a mom. I am such a needy person (emotionally), that my children being dependent on me for cuddles, love, comfort etc is a humongous high. I love the talkative stage where 99% of what they talk is bullshit and hilarious. The crawling, the first smiles, the drunken walk, the baby babbles are all wonderful milestones and I’m so lucky to have not missed any of them (as of yet) with my children. I have an extremely supportive co-parent who helps out so much that I am able to leave my kids and go out too, when my neurotic mom brain allows me 🙂
But the Indian culture of treating your mother like God seems a bit absurd to me. I’ll admit, I thought/still think my mother is perfect. Like, I cannot imagine sacrificing my life at 23 to a demanding dictator and continue to study, have a career, and be an excellent homemaker. I know how flawed I am, and god lord, the number of times I have screwed up as a mom, at the ripe old age of 29 (when Arjun was born) is embarrassing and I definitely don’t think I am worthy of being treated special. I however, do need an award for keeping all of us fed and healthy, and mostly clean 😀
The only part of motherhood that I think is worth glorifying if that only a woman can be a mother. Only a woman can be strong and ambitious, loving and emotional, angry and happy, who can be a complex range of emotions and still come together to be a normal version for herself for her babies is the part that is amazing.